We Need Your Help & Understanding!
Thank You to my Friends and Family.
I posted on Facebook on the 16th February 2022 publicly to express my experience of adoption to my friends in an effort to advocate for understanding and education.
I did so after a pretty vicious altercation regarding LGBTQ surrogacy and adoption story.
Where I originally replied with:
We know surrogacy causes a newborn a purposeful neurological injury at separation from the gestational mother: The Primal Wound. I wonder when society might begin hearing those who have lived it, above making this a gay rights issue.
To my Friends and Family
I’ll let you all in on a little secret. The very reason adoptees have a hard time of it, is that they’re fighting against your perception and social perception that adoption is beautiful. Our trauma is completely ignored because you can’t face your own in regards to being emotionally available when an adoptee expresses concern and tries to educate. All we get is vitriol from you being triggered by our trauma. It’s not that you can’t see it, you don’t want to.
Question from a fellow adoptee:
I wonder why we have to prove, scientifically and through studies, that the trauma of adoption is real. Isn’t it enough that we SAY it?
It’s just come to me that this was the foundation of the adopted family construct. Society requires us to validate because our adoptive parents didn’t want us to express that sentiment that adoption wasn’t enough.
I’ve just come to the realisation that from a regular family standpoint my adoptive family were emotionally stunted. Just because the word love was used doesn’t mean it was actually present.
I’m now 50, and have been in reunion for 6 years and estranged from my adoptive family for over 5. Growing up, each time I required them to be emotionally available.it seems they weren’t there.
This is a deeper reflection on society where our parents grew to mask their own insecurities. What I’m saying here is that adoption doesn’t give someone a better life it gives them a different life.
Society refuses to acknowledge the catastrophic effects of birth separation known as the primal wound in favour of keeping their bubble of emotional denial intact.
How are adopted people supposed to advocate for change when the very people closest to them ie, friends and family refuse to see their trauma?
I’ve lost my family, I’m fighting for my sanity daily through therapy. We are fighting government for change in legislation, public education and social acknowledgement so future adoptees feel supported.
This is a social abandonment on top of an already cataclysmic infant abandonment.
So please as a friend, brother, son, & father I ask you for your understanding, empathy and support in favour of social change and acknowledgement of what adoption truly is. If you can’t how will I and other adoptees get the support we deserve and most desperately need for stability in our own mental health?
Right now I’m having a big problem with anxiety leading into anger which is turning into silent rage. My body is vibrating with hate. I just hate everything and everyone. The ignorance and stupidity is literally killing me. People stepping over the line with their behaviour is triggering me to the point where I can’t cope.
Comments from friends and fellow adoptees
I’ve been down that rabbit hole… It’s vicious.
I went in (to the link) — you’ve got balls Shane ! Iagree with Caro Line’s comment when she said “it’s vicious”. one of the biggest reasons i see us having a problem with, is that the newly gay-right’ed see “family building” (& whatever/all that entails) as their collective right/chance at a heteronormative life. they’ve inadvertently cognitively “missed” the rights of the child And the injurious nature of mother-infant separation, child appropriation, & cultural & familial-exploitation. given that the U.S. are Not signatory to the Human Rights Bill, specifically the rights of the child, Coupled with the cultural whitewashing/brainwashing via all manner of overt & covert indoctrinations, they’re a Long way off connecting dots any.time.soon.
I am 38. Depression ate me. I had hobbies and my “world”. But I am an addicted and now I am always more suicidal.
I am 47 and about a year ago diagnosed with developmental trama because of my whole conception of birth my first 3 months post birth were very traumatic for me. Not clearly as a baby i knew this. People whom adopt think that they are doing a good thing yes they are. We due to our ages have to know that back then the whole adoption process was a sham compared to today very sadly not saying that today its any easier either. Its a whole hornets nest.
95% think we should be grateful for having a second chance at life for having better opportunities in life. Nope no way I would have rather lived or died in my birth country.
As a fellow survivor of adoption atrocity, I too really admire your courage , strength and ability to articulate, write and publish this. Your words of truth, give strength to so many. Most importantly help break through the social silence, lies… and the constant invalidation, vitriol, abuse by the entitled & ignorant masses.
Think of it this way, everyone’s life is a puzzle, we all put pieces together and form a life of who we are what we become. Adoptees are missing the first missing piece, who are we?
People aren’t getting it. Happy being adopted after being “abandoned” ! Yes — grateful. Under normal adoption circumstances that aren’t affected by forced adoption. Happy about being adopted from a birth separation trauma viewpoint absolutely not- the trauma suffered is disproportionate to the out outcome. Saying that other adoptees are happy doesn’t mean they didn’t suffer the primal wound. Also saying I know other adoptees that had a good experience is like an outsider saying all lives matter to BLM
As you I’ve lost my family, I’m fighting for my sanity daily also……and it’s a real struggle……no matter where I turn I have to justify myself. I’ve been told that at 51 that I should be over it and have moved on by now.. I am constantly fighting committing suicide……constantly living with suicidal thoughts.
Thank you, this is exactly my adoption experiences as a child and now even more so as an adult the difference being as a child we didn’t have a voice in my teenage years my voice was silenced and as an adult adoptee my lived experiences as an adoptee go unrecognised.
My adoption was absolutely traumatic suffering from all kinds of abuse at the very hands where my adoptive parents we supposed to give me a better life from biological parents. The effects of complex trauma is something I have always had to struggle with in my daily life.
It’s life long never ending trauma.
