Happy Earth Day to Me.
Yesterday was my 50th Birth Day.
After 50 times around the sun, you’d think I would have figured some stuff out by now, so why does today feel so wrong and right at the same time?
So what have I learned?
To build core self-esteem and self-efficiency means knowing that you can depend on yourself if the going gets rough. As you focus on building the right relationship to self-acceptance and self-love, this builds trust and confidence in oneself. Building trust in oneself and building trust with relationships that we really need! Ego surrender, all else will fall into place.
Your body is a vessel for the learning of the soul. While we are leading this life, we are experiencing new things, making new connections and sharing connections with the people who are around us.
I’ve been fighting my false adopted ego for 50 years.
Traumatic experiences often break or weaken these links.
A child who is not informed and starved from any or correct information, intensionally or unintentionally instinctively perceives this as a total psychological wall of silence keeping them from knowing his or her origins.
Adoption kept me from finding my true self.
The perceived relationship obligations in regards to adoption limited my development of self-acceptance, self-love confidence and trust.
It is hard for an adoptive child to “…know what I am really like.” Confusion and insecurity readily occur, embedding mistrust, shame, doubt & guilt.
Being adopted and the instant trauma that issued through down another seemingly impermeable layer or unconsciousness to breakthrough.
During “Life” The core of our identity is being challenged and tested to match the higher version of our spiritual selves, making this a very confusing time for many people who are grappling with their personality identity.
If this is true, then adoptees have been tasked with THE MOST difficult challenge one could possibly face.
So what have I learned about myself?
It is my responsibility to strengthen and reconnect these links where necessary. These links and their strength are very dependent upon our emotional experiences.
For the first 50 years of my life, I’ve been unknowingly stuck in negative patterns purely to avoid rejection, I’d suppressed my intimate personal desires and learnt to step lightly. I sacrificed my inner self, my inner child, my true identity for my biological and adoptive families. Ironically I grew up with the inherent knowledge I would never truly be part of either.
I felt immense pressure against voicing my feelings and curiosity and intuitively felt that my adoptive parents would interpret my interest in my birth parents as disloyalty. As the relationship pressures stewed my parents continually exhibited a pattern of tension and denial surrounding the issues I faced from adoption, this only served to compound and re-live the original trauma of separation from my birth mother.
Instead of developing as a healthy well-adjusted child, I began to learn, develop and repeat patterns of mistrust, shame, doubt & guilt. All this manifested as C-PTSD, PTSD, Anxiety and depression, which were again continually dismissed not only by my adoptive family but also by my ex-wife's family. Everything I have just spoken of kept me in an extremely unhealthy bubble of denial, fear and mistrust were my constant companions. I later found out this is what is known as adoption fog.
One day it hit me like a bolt, a shear snap of consciousness, I was suddenly outside looking in. I had somehow shattered the first layer of adoptee unconsciousness. My vibrational energy was lifting. Sadly, I instantly knew what I had to do. I had to learn how to heal. Healing to me means finding myself, something I had absolutely no experience in whatsoever. Every relationship I’ve ever had, family, personal, career or otherwise was based on a false sense of self.
Given at this point I was at a 45-year disadvantage, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. If that meant removing toxic people from my life that forbid me from knowing myself, then I had to find the courage to do so.
The patterns I found within were extremely self-destructive. Looking inward I found that I had very little of myself left. I saw I was giving myself away far too easily. This caused repeated issues of trust and the relationships around me. I allowed people to take advantage of me. I had no boundaries. I simply either didn’t know what they were or how to develop and maintain them.
As predicted as I began to establish boundaries those who were accustomed to not having them present started being extremely abusive. My C-PTSD, PTSD, Anxiety and depression symptoms amplified and waned repeatedly as I adjusted to a paradigm.
Years have now since passed, and coming to terms with the extreme issues of Loss, Rejection, Guilt, Shame, Grief, Identity and Intimacy is a daily fight.
Do you know of any other construct in life where one must overcome such adversity? I think not.
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WTF does that mean?
It means… Are we willing to look at what they are seeing and experiencing as a veil of unconsciousness? Our soul moves from life to life, each time forgetting our higher selves, where we came from and what our purpose is at a soul level.
The commitment to truth spirit means that you are willing to remove false reality bubbles and egoic conditions, placing trust in a higher power or your version of god, that you are willing to see the truth no matter what it presents to sets us free towards enlightenment.
As a baby with a fractured ego through extreme trauma, I’m over the misguided perception that adoptees should be grateful. As my higher self, I’m exactly where I Should be.
THIS IS HOW I HEAL
The only way I can come to terms with adoption and what it means, is to look at it as a journey. If my life on this earth means I’m meant to have limited close relationships, too intimately know Loss, Rejection, Guilt, Shame, Grief, Identity and Intimacy so be it.
All human beings are responsible for their thoughts, deeds, actions and behaviours, all of these are direct choices made by each person in the moment and will have direct Energetic Consequences.
Children should not be taken away, stolen, forcibly or coercively removed in any way shape or form from their biological heritage regardless of any personal, religious or societal belief.
As an adoptee, my higher purpose on this earth is to mirror and show where society has gone wrong in regards to enforcing separation on all levels. All forms and structures of separation are toxic and counterproductive to the ego-self, the higher self and 5D universal consciousness.
I believe adoptees have suffered these losses in this lifetime to guide humanity, and we are here to give you some hard truths.
Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say
On the road to building Personal Integrity and developing trust and respect between mutual parties in communications, it is important that you say what you mean, mean what you say and be kind when you say it.
Further, align with your words by representing yourself as you really are, and doing what you said you were going to do. When you do communicate, reflect upon the intention of the words you choose as being honest, truthful, and trustworthy, as these qualities build strong inner and outer Personal Integrity.
Reality
Coercion comes in all shapes and sizes and was not only prevalent in the removal of babies from mothers in the forced adoption era, but it’s just as ubiquitous in post-adoption relationships in the form of narcissistic expectations, intentionally or unintentionally.
Unhealthy or insecure families are not fit for adoption.
The secure ones know quite a lot about children generally and are interested in what the particular child is like and how they will develop.
The secure ones know quite a lot about children generally and are interested in what the particular child is like and how they will develop. If this development requires straight answers or testing their origins, they make that possible without giving prejudicial information. They are able to let the adoptee differentiate into an adult with adult interests and finally develop a good adult/adult relationship with them. If they are anxious about reunion, it is that the adoptee won’t suffer a major letdown or be rejected. They are usually interested in the biological family and what they do without deprecation. It is rare to see a mother and an adoptive mother become good friends, and it can’t come about any other way than with real trust.
The more insecure the adoptive family, however, the more they are worried that the child will leave them, judge them, and not want to know them, the more they will make up myths or stories to make the child think they are better off with them than they would have been otherwise, and the more there are stories that their mother couldn’t keep them or didn’t want them.
Adoptees are now finding out that that was not the case with the understanding of forced separation within the baby scoop era.
Some adoptive parents want school results and trophies on the shelf, and, if they just happen without anxiety and pressure, that is fine. But the adopted child is left with a burden of feelings of how to come to terms with obligation and expectations of gratitude. The secure adoptive parent can talk openly about this aspect of adoption and express what they themselves are thankful and joyful about. The insecure adoptive parents want their due.
If you are really for saving children choose Stewardship NOT Adoption…
Saving a child is not about ownership. A stewardship Family offers a safe warm, loving support family with “CONTINUITY” in relationships for a lifetime without severing heritage, biology or destroying identity.
